Musical Therapy

Sometimes, it just happens. I start feeling sad and anybody can help it. Then I become depressed and not even me would stop it. There is not a real cause, there's no need for one as long as I exist. The knot on my throat prevents me for yelling and the knot on my brains prevents me for doing something I may not regret at all but that will be judged by close-minded people.
Grabbing the blanket I curl up in the bed, praying to anyone, gritting the teeth and trying not to cry once again. After it, relaxing all the muscles and finally letting a tear slip from the eyes.

In the end, will it be some hope left for me? Some sort of path that leads to something better? Should I make the road even if that means to sacrifice someone? Sacrifice me?

Wish my heart just blows up leaving me completely numb and without these feelings that I can't manage at all. Wish I didn't feel for you the way I do. Wish I didn't feel for myself the way I do. Wish I didn't be myself and be one of those trendy girls with an easy living. Wish...wish... wish...
Then I gather enough energy to turn on the laptop or the Ipod, and everything goes back to normal, at least in appearance. Lots of Deicide, first, to drown out my mind; second, lots of Tuxedomoons to start the masquerade; in the end, some J-pop to exercise the smile. Almost convinced that I am ok without you, that I don't need you, and that you are nothing more than a spoiled cute boy. I comb my hair, ready to get out my room, thinking I will end up alone in a dark house with nine cats.