Depressed....as always?

And then...you know, it's hard...to keep it up, to fake a smile, to make everything spin at the same pace when it's obviously everything passed me by.

In this moment, I don't really know what to feel, what to do. The only thing that is sure is I cannot break. Not when she is leaning on me, counting on me. Everyone seems sad because of it. They want to pray and to cry. That's bullshit. An atheist. Church? God? Everything for which he fought, all fucked up. Tears? His life was a joke. A dream. An every-day bohemian party. Why should we cry over the end of it? I say we all should get wasted, as he would like to see us. Being happy, being drunk, being high. That was his life, that was he would like to be remembered.

Maybe I want to show that I don't care, that I don't fucking give a fuck because he didn't gave a fuck for us either. Perhaps, deep inside, it hurts me. That would be bad. Perhaps, deep inside, I still don't give a fuck. That would be worst. The only thing that's clear for me is that I need to get drunk, high and maybe have some fun. Maybe I need it. Maybe I'm just egoist, as always. Maybe, maybe I'm just depressed.

Gallo

Hay veces en las que el sonido de alguna vieja canción me trae recuerdos de algunos momentos a tu lado. Realmente me siento perdida en un mar de ilusiones cortadas y recuerdos vacíos. Todo parece surreal. En cualquier momento abriré los ojos y simplemente estarás allí. No te podré ver, ni tocar, ni siquiera escuchar tu voz, pero sé que estarpas allí. A veces pienso que todo era mejor antes. Tranquilidad. Paz. Llegaste y destruiste un dique construido alrededor de tu ser, ¿o debería decir de tu esencia?. Un fantasma sin objetivo, invocado contra su voluntad. Sólo me molesta algo, pero sé que no es tu culpa. ¿Es nuestra? Nunca lo sabremos. Creo que lo sabías desde el principio y seguiste. ¿Te agradó? Seguir tus sueños y vivir en uno. Jugar y ser jugado. Tal vez todo se resuma en que viviste, en vez de existir. No lo sé. Fuiste buena persona, tus amigos lo demuestran. Lo demás no lo pediste, tampoco lo aceptaste. Las últimas notas flotan en el aire, la canción se desvanece y se lleva arrastrando tus memorias. Un pequeño paréntesis en la vida. Nunca te comprendí, ni espero hacerlo ahora.

Not even a tear shed. Why? Why should I do it? You were never us, you never give us the chance.

Al final, quedaste sólo como una demostración de que la grandeza sólo se obtiene con la autodestrucción.

Through this shitty times

Through this shitty times
You are the ones who help me get through
Every morning, I don't feel like going up
Then your faces appear in my mind
You shine like jewels, then I know
I cannot live without you
You are the laugh, the chaos,the beauty

For every shitty day,
There are thousands of jokes.
For every cold morning,
There are lots of hugs to warm it up
For every loss,
There are tons of smiles to fill my heart
You are my everything, sweeties. You are.

To you, darling, I wanna make a special thank you.
For easing my mind, for soothing the pain.
For those words that still ring in my head.
For those words that made me happy.

To you, love, don't really know what to say.
You have always been there, supporting us all.
Thanks for not judging, and for making me laugh.
Thanks for the hugs, that keep me here.
Thanks for the kisses, that take my breath away.
'cause everytime I see you in the eyes, I know I couldn't have anything better.
'cause when I'm with you, I feel like I finally belong somewhere.

To all of you, just wanna say I love you like hell.